personal :: our 4th baby

It might sound crazy, and maybe it is, but within a couple months of giving birth to Walter, I knew that I wanted one more baby. More accurately, I had a strong sense that there was one more person that was meant to be added to our family. With a bit of nervousness, I approached the subject with Tim one day while we were in the car on the way to the beach. To my surprise, he immediately agreed. It was the most obvious thing to both of us. 

We agreed that there was no particular rush on working to create that new person, but that we'd leave things open to possibility and God's timing. 

It was shortly before Walter's 1st birthday that this baby was conceived, and I found out about the pregnancy the week after Walter's 1st birthday. It was the most purely and contentedly joyful news for both of us. 

Fast forward to mid-July when we had our first ultrasound, our first chance to see our baby. Look at that sweet little face!

At the ultrasound, we asked the technician not to tell us the gender, but to EMAIL our friend Michelle from my phone with an email saying simply "boy" or "girl." Michelle would then leap into action assembling the gender reveal cake, which we would then cut into upon our return home from picking up the older kids from their grandparents' house. Well, there was just one problem: the tech couldn't get THE ideal shot for gender determination. She got it from a couple of slightly-off angles and both times was pretty sure she saw the same signs but she said she's rate her level of certainty at 88.9%. Ugh. Is 88.9% enough to go on for the gender reveal party we had planned for that very same evening?, we wondered. But the train was set in motion so we stuck with the plan. 

Here are the kids waiting eagerly to cut into the cake. We decided to do this part on our own as a family BEFORE all our friends and family came over to have their own revelation moment. 

And now you can witness our little moment by watching this video I made on my camera...

Lots of friends and family came over shortly thereafter for a little party, which was also very fun. Almost everyone guessed it would be a girl. We did a live video of the unveiling on FB so our far-away family and friends could tune in, too. 

Those cupcakes had pink frosting inserted in the middle, so upon biting into them, the truth was revealed! 

AND, we went back this past week for a second ultrasound to get a closer to 100% certainty rate on baby's gender. Confirmed: GIRL BABY! 

We're so excited to round out our little tribe with another little girl. 

personal :: day in the life, february edition

At the beginning of this year I sat down and put four randomly selected dates on the calendar, designating them in advance as the days that I would do a personal Day In The Life (DITL), one per quarter. The first of those dates was February 24, and on that day, this is what life looked like at our house. 

Using my remote, I was able to make a few pictures of myself getting things prepped in the kitchen before the kids came down for their breakfast. I was showered and dressed in the day's clothes from the waist UP, but still had on pajama pants because I didn't want to sneak into the room where the baby was sleeping in order to get some jeans from my noisy dresser. 

Other random details I notice here, which delight my heart, even as they annoy me: the pile of dried rice and pumpkin seeds on Gus' bed (why?!), Hazel using a tiny orange container to pour water over her hair so that she can brush it out before going to school, Hazel's high-water pink snow pants that she won't stop wearing even though they are now obviously too short. And then there's Gus's belly, which is slowly shrinking from it's toddler status to that of a little boy, and he's wearing a pink cloth diaper in a few of these, because his daddy put it on him before his nap (he can't sleep without wetting himself, but he's otherwise mostly in big boy underplants now). I love the way that Walter looks up at Gus with admiration and an unfettered grin on his face in the photos taken by the window toward the end. All of Gus' grumpy faces, and the way Hazel is pulling Walter off the bed because she takes so much pride in being able to lift and carry him. The images Gus took of ME sitting/laying on my bed in the afternoon,  my exhaustion so apparent. Nursing Walter in front of my computer while I watch a Creative Live class. Tim eating a mid-day smoothie, which is the story of his life. ;) And, of course, the morning visitors: my new friends with whom trust and affection levels are quickly rising. 

Those are the sorts of detail that makes these photos so special, even though, to be honest with you, I don't feel like I did my best work with the photos on this particular day. 

personal :: winter at our house

as a birth photographer, i sometimes do secret work. work that's lovely and meaningful, but not for everyone to see. hence the quietness on this blog of late. 

but i've been shooting my own family like crazy. as a family photographer with some seasonal affective disorder, this is sort of therapy for me in the long winter season. and i have to say, friends, i'm lately really sentimental about my little people. because HOW are they suddenly so big, so capable, so smart... and so hilarious?! these days -- long as drag-on difficult as they sometimes are -- are numbered, and i'm grasping to capture them. 

so i give you our winter, in no particular order, in photos. mostly taken in the morning hours. 

I'm looking for a few good men -- er, families -- willing to invest in a half day family photojournalism session. without cleaning up first, without looking your best or trying to impress anyone at all. just you, as you are. read more here.

happy winter (an open letter)

hello friends, 

happy new year and happy winter to you. i hope your christmas time was sweet, and that it included lots of snuggling, love, and quality time with your people. i hope that in the middle of chaos and messes that there was great beauty and connection. 

our little family spent two weeks of december battling strep throat without antibiotics (and kicking it's butt); first me and then my husband. graciously, none of our children were afflicted. during this time we also had a friend staying with us as part of her year-long travel project. she saw us at a low point, for sure. we recovered just in the knick of time to enjoy christmas with our extended families, traveling to three cities in two states to attend four christmas gatherings, not including that which we celebrated on our own christmas eve and christmas morning at our own home (phew! what a ride!). we returned home on new year's eve, just in time to attend the funeral of a very good man, whose daughter is my dear friend, then to attend a reunion-party for past and preset interns in our ministry. gosh, it's a busy time of year. 

the new year rolls around, and with it all the reflecting backward and projecting forward, forming intentions and resolve around who we want to be and where we want to invest the limited hours and energy we have available to spend. then the return to normalcy, the detoxing from rich holiday foods, and the hunkering down to survive another michigan winter. for me, this new year is starting off strong, and i'm feeling focused and fresh. what a gift that is. 

but my camera has not been getting a lot of attention. i photographed all the christmases on my iPhone because i couldn't be bothered to pick up the real deal. i'm in a bit of a creative slump, to tell you the truth. i've been zentangling and coloring in an adult coloring book, as well as rearranging and nesting some and reading good books while fasting from social media. but when it comes to photography, i've been taking a breather. 

i've been around this block enough times now so as to not be alarmed by the slump. i'm confident that in a few weeks i'll come back around to it. i don't even need to force it. this love affair with the art of painting with light and telling real stories that can be cherished for decades has already endured fifteen years at least; we're not breaking up now. ;)

so wherever you on this cold mid-winter day, friends, i hope you can give yourself permission to be there. in sickness or health, in inspiration or burn out, in transition or stability. you are where you are supposed to be, and each thing has it's season. this too, shall pass. 

and as you look forward into the coming months of this fresh year with hopes of documenting the stories of your own small and wonderful life, please reach out. i'll be ready for you. i'm booking spring sessions now, and will be taking only 2 or 3 each month. 

here's what i have to offer this year:

• family photojournalism  (there are three types now, did you know?!)
• birth stories (i have openings for april, july, and september - december)

and now, i invite you to witness our whirlwind christmas, in only iphoneography. (someone wise once said, after all, that the best camera is the one you have with you. amen).

also, in the midst of the aforementioned creative slump, i attended a remarkable birth in december and i'll be blogging that here soon. (insert emoji with heart eyes). and in spite of said creative slump, the images are something i'm proud of. can't wait to show you.

personal :: day in the [messy] life

waking up before my kids is an elusive ideal. i know the day will go better when i can manage it; i will be alert, caffeinated, showered, dressed, and filled with the Words of Truth. but when the baby wakes me 4 times in one night for a week straight, and then wakes me once a night and fusses for an hour before falling back asleep... well, i turn off the alarm. i've been feeling so worn down by the sleeplessness, and so scattered from the lack of morning time to center myself for the day. 

this morning as my husband left for his weekly early tuesday morning meeting, i was sitting in bed in the dark, listening to the children's voices coming from down the hall. they were already awake, the sun still below the horizon. i nearly cried. but while they were playing relatively happily, i snuck in a quick shower and while in the shower i had the idea to use my camera as therapy. so much for perfect, i thought. why even try today? i'm putting on the baggy, fraying blue jeans and crappy fitting t-shirts. i'm saying yes to the mess today. and i'm going to capture that mess. i'm going to capture it with a sense of humor, and perhaps even with some affection. 

so what lies below is the result of me doing that from about 9 am to 2:30 pm. this is our perfect imperfection. i'm offering it up as a little gift to say to you, mamas, that though my house cleans up nicely it rarely cleans up at all. i may make photographs that look idyllic, but sometimes that's because i know how to leave things out of the frame in such a way that you can't guess at the mess surrounding a spot of beauty or harmony. you can see my mess. 

first, a note about the cast of characters, so that these photos can speak without you getting confused along the way. the characters are my three kids, Hazel (4.5), Gus (2.5) and Walt (8 months), my husband Tim, my housemate (Mark), and my friend Bethany and her two little ones (ages 2.5 and 14 months) who came over for a playdate this morning and just fell right into the chaos with grace and humor. there's also a cameo appearance from one of our ministry's interns (our interns live in our ministry house across the ally), who had stopped by with Tim for a minute.

as i did this, my mood shifted from exhausted and defeated, to patient and wondering (because i was trying to document everything, even/especially the naughtiness, i had to wait and observe non-judgmentally before i reactively jumped in to stop anything), and eventually to gratitude and affection. it truly did. by the time we had seen hazel off to school and gotten the boys down for naps, i remembered again how much i love them, and love this crazy life we're living.

this is family photojournalism in it's purest form. there was no wardrobe premeditation, no house-sprucing, not attempts at good behavior. and you know what? that felt SO RIGHT, so freeing... and so stinking beautiful in the end. 

can i do this for you?

geeky photographer notes for those who are interested: i shot with my 24mm lens all day. the wide angle made it nearly impossible to leave out all the messy contexts, which is what i was shooting for today. a wide lens tells a bigger story oftentimes, though i'm often too shy to use it much in shoots for clients; it's a risky lens. i also shot in aperture-priority mode with the aperture wide open (f/2.8 for this lens), as well as auto-ISO mode (capped at 5000). i made this choice because by refusing to engage in the perfectionistic detail work of shooting in manual, i was more able to just roll with the punches, picking up my camera to take a shot when a moment was happening, while still participating in my family life fully. i needed that flexibility today.

personal :: tiny dancer

pink silk and beautiful craftsmanship. this dress has stood the test of time; it was my mama's when she was a small girl. right now -- but not for much longer -- it fits my small girl perfectly. she's long-legged and elegant in it. all her glamor and sass came together as she wore this dress around the house today. she can't help but twirl, and also growl a bit. she loudly and insistently invited me and the rest of the family to a "royal bash," which turned out to mean that she was going to dance on the guest bed, sometimes with her brother, while we watched. my heart swelled. this felt like a special moment.